This is a recomendation from my friend Paulo, The Filthy Critic a very "unique" perspective on move critic to say the least. It has some pearls of movie description like this one:
Bloodrayne sucks goat tits. It sucks shit and smelly ass. It sucks the husks off corn, the foreskin off dicks, the shit off the submissive in a Dirty Sanchez. It sucks harder and more sloppily than a Bennigan's waitress on her lunch break, but costs slightly less. It is, however, better than Alone in the Dark. That's not to say it's good, it's just that it's like getting a staph infection below the knee instead of the entire leg.
But if you overlook the wording it uses (which I find particularly funny, but some politically correct prudes might find offensive), it is a pretty honest review. And perhaps, not so incredibly, I agree on a lot of what this guy has to say about a load of new movies like Chronicles of Narnia.